A Brief History of Scotland - We Done Loads!

God, who sounds remarkably like a very well known bearded Scottish actor and golfer (well who else would you expect a Scottish God to sound like?), creates the paradise of Eden ' burgh.

But the humans he creates to inhabit it cause him no end of trouble. Eve resists the deep fried Mars bar the serpent tempts her with but she then makes the mistake of cooking a healthy meal of apples, and we know what problems apples caused. Then Adam covers his newly discovered shame with a sort of skirt with nothing underneath it, clearly an absurd thing to do.

And that's only the first scene. Soon God is doling out punishments and rewards, when he actually remembers Scotland that is. Punishments like forbidding the Scots team from the World Cup finals ' any World Cup finals. Or forcing them to watch their battles being won by an Oscar-winning Aussie actor.

Rewards like taking up Flora Macdonald's absurd scheme for Bonnie Prince Charlie's escape and allowing it to work ' well he didn't half fancy that dress he found in her wardrobe.

As for the arts, let me tell you that until you've heard William McGonagall introduce Robert Burns in excruciating rhyme, closely followed by a drunken Rabbie serenading a lady in the front row with the lewdest of lyrics, then you've never really experienced Scottish culture.

The enthusiastic and talented cast give it their all, including some very substantial male bottoms (Scottish battle tactics). Meanwhile the audience, including me, are hooting with gales of unseemly laughter.

I was quite tempted to give this five stars, if only for the finest God in the business. I can't go quite that far, even at the risk of a tartan thunderbolt, but this Caledonian 1066 And All That has a gusto and a cheap, tacky silliness that fully earns it a grateful four stars.